Excerpt from New Novel!

 Thought I'd post something different today, so I've been lacking in the post department and post a tiny piece of a new novel I'm working on! Enjoy! 

The hurt caused by being manipulated struck my heart’s core deeply. The lump in my throat so large; I couldn’t swallow. I could handle almost anything, but being lied to, being told one thing and then directly being showed something else, just to evoke some feelings, evoked an emotion beyond language. I wanted to hit someone. Fuck that. I wanted to scream, as loud as possible. Loud enough to break windows, loud enough to stop traffic. But instead, I sat quietly, surrounded by people, not showing a single sign that I was crumbling inside. I suspect this is how all people handled losing their mind. Quietly, without a fragment of outside cues. Perhaps, this is how souls silently implode.

I sat still, watching everyone around me, move about, like their life was picture perfect, while I could feel the little person inside my head, running around, throwing papers, screaming in fits, throwing herself around dramatically on staircases and on beds, while her hair draped over the sides, or perhaps, I had seen too many movies to know that my little person was probably ugly sobbing, shattered, graceless, in the corner somewhere. Make-up smeared, snot bubbling out of her nose, probably just jiggly crying, mourning over the loss of forever.

 I sucked in a deep breath, after realizing I hadn’t been breathing. The headache I was developing, from either holding my breath or grinding my teeth, was starting to exacerbate my fragile sanity, making things seem more intense. I looked over the top of my computer and noticed my co-worker, sucking on a toothpick and I swore if I heard another mouth sound, that I would stomp over towards him and shove the toothpick so far down his throat that he’d be picking splinters out of his tonsils for weeks.

My sigh coincided with approaching footsteps; tension gripped me as someone entered my cubicle. I heard a voice talking to me, but sadly, I heard only mere noise. The rage from the humanoid, toothpick sucking, weirdo across from me was causing my ears to only focus on him. I blinked my eyes twice and when I spun in my office chair, I saw my boss retreating with urgency, noticing my inner chaos, I presume. Shit. I didn’t know what she wanted. My mind reeled, sanity slipping, before focusing on the blank screen with empty intent. Had I even turned the computer on? I glanced at the computer, noticing my blurry reflection staring back me. Shit.

 I pulled the vape out of my pocket, hiding it in my long sleeve and quickly hit it, keeping the smoke inside my lungs long enough that it wouldn’t cascade out of my mouth like a cloud. I looked around the office. Just cubicles of people who all thought they’d make something of themselves by the age of thirty, and yet here we all were, silent achievers of mediocrity. Seething silently, my grinding teeth bore the brunt; now my worsening headache paid the price. My Apple Watch dinged. “Time to Stand” Oh fuck you, you piece of electronic garbage. Why don’t you stand? Oh great. Now, I’m yelling, in my mind, to my watch, to stand up. This is just great. The apocalypse of my sanity, arguing with gadgets. I covered my watch with my other hand and stared directly at my computer. Work bitch. Do something. Be productive, I told myself. But all I did was stare.

The hurt was deep inside my chest. The lump still in my throat and the sound from across the office was deafening. I looked at my phone and purse that I had not put away since I got here and they were sitting there on the desk, beckoning me to leave. I peered at my purse. My keys were directly on top. How easy it would be to just walk out, unnoticed by most, unless I axed the Splinter mouth across from me. I sucked in a deep breath. No, don’t do that. Just work. You can do it. I begged myself. That’s when I heard the human woodchipper spit, and the sound of plastic rumbling. Oh, for the love of God. He was opening a bag of chips. My self-control evaporated like smoke, leaving only the deafening drumbeat of my heart – throbbing violently in my ears. Nope. Not today, Satan. Possessions of mine snatched up, I closed in on the Toothpick Terror’s Desk.

“You are the bane of my existence, you fucking loud mouth, wood-chipper of a kiss ass!” I whisper yelled, as I snatched the stapler from his desk. He sat, staring, open mouthed, chips crunched on his tongue, as I grabbed the bag of chips and the stapler and proceeded to staple the bag shut, slamming it into the desk as hard as possible, making an absolute scene, but feeling the relief, I desperately needed.

“I quit,” I whispered as I made my way to the exit.  My wrist beeped with delight. Now, I’m standing you fucking watch.